For the past while, I have been doubting on and off whether I chose the right school.  It is quite unbelievable that I can doubt my decision in light of God's lavish gift of scholarship for my education.  But I believe that miracles cannot keep one immune from doubt..  Just look at the Israelites doubting God's goodness right after God miraculous delivered them out of Egypt.  Or how about Elijah doubting God's ability to rescue him from the wrath of Jezebel after God rained fire from heaven to consume a water soaked sacrifice.  Or Jesus raising people from the dead, driving demons out, healing sicknesses and doing all sorts of miracles with the pinnacle in His own resurrrection only to have people doubt His claim to being the Son of God. 

I caught myself doubting whether the school I was going to was the best choice.  I started to think thoughts like, "but this other school may probably be better at..."  There was nothing new about the content of my thoughts as I already pondered on them and made a decision knowing those facts.  So why was I second guessing myself and looking at alternatives?

As I reflected, I realized that I sometimes have a tendency to spend more time looking outward to what I don't have yet than in enjoying what I do have.  The pursue of greater things, and even more things, is not bad in itself.  But when does it end?  Moreover, I think I should at least focus just as much energy on enjoying, giving thanks and appreciating God for what I already have as in pursuing what I don't have yet. 

At the root of it, my heart is not content and it probably stems my the sin of covetousness..  It does not lean toward enjoying what I do have and being grateful to God for it, instead I am preoccupied with the fear of loosing out on something.  Consequently, by focusing on what I do not possess, I end up neglecting or "loosing" the thing that I already possess.  "But godliness with contentment is great gain. For we brought nothing into the world, and we can take nothing out of it. But if we have food and clothing, we will be content with that" 1 Tim. 6:6-8.  In reality, the greatest gain I can have is godliness accompanied by contentment.  Godliness is a life surrendered and obedient to God.  Contentment "is not a passive acceptance of the status quo, but the positive assurance that God has supplied one's needs, and the consequent release from unnecessary desire" (New Bible Dictionary).  Indeed, being content will release us from the unnecessary desires that will only draw us away from the pleasures of the things and people God has created for me as well as our Creator God Himself.  Godliness with contentment is great gain!

"Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus" 1 Thess. 5:16-18.

This is a talk I gave at a men’s retreat on a mountain.  This talk applies to people of a specific culture.  Also, please be aware that there are some sensitive issues that I deal with quite bluntly and openly.  May you share this with other people just as one of the students who listened to this talk shared it with the leaders of his church and they had a deep time of sharing together.

Christian leaders are not perfect

Two men I know who were leaders for God

1)     I know an uncle who was a Christian leader.  He and his wife were in a dangerous situation.  To protect himself, he lied and put his wife in an even more dangerous situation.

2)     I know another Christian leader who slept with another men’s wife.  Then one of the boys he bore did something really bad to his daughter.  He was too busy working to really care for the family, in fact, when he found out what the son did, he got really angry, but he did nothing to punish him and deal with the problem.

Do you think these people can be Christian leaders?

The two people above are Abraham and David.

1.     Abraham
In Gen 12, Abraham is afraid that people will think that his wife Sarah is beautiful and will kill him to get her.  So he lies, gives his wife to the Egyptians and leaves her in danger of being mistreated by the Egyptians.  This is after God has appeared to him twice!  In Gen 20, after God sends his angels to rescue Abraham and destroys Sodom, Abraham encounters another king, the exact same thing happens, he lies to the king telling him that his wife is his sister.  You would think that a man of God, a leader, our hero of faith, would learn his lesson.  Are we not like that, do we not make the same mistake over and over again?  I certainly do. 
Also, God promised that Abraham’s son will come through Sarah, yet Abraham took things in his own hands and slept with his slave.  Does it look like this guy is a man of faith? 

2.     David
God said that David was a man after His own heart, he committed adultery by sleeping with a married woman and then he murdered her innocent husband.  He also spent many years hiding his sin until the prophet confronted him of his sin of adultery and murder.  David also neglected his family.  His son raped his daughter and he did nothing to punish him or solve the problem.

Do you notice that when Abraham and David committed these serious sins, they already knew God and they were leading God’s people?

Maybe you had a good start, like David you wanted to honor God, but after a while, you discover that pleasing God is very difficult.  Maybe you understand what Paul said in Romans 7:15, “For I do not understand my own actions. For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate”. 

3.     Today’s example
I also know a person, he served in youth fellowship for 4 years, led Sunday school Bible study for 4 years, been on 2 short term local trips, 5 short term international cross culture trips, preached at his church, helped over 50 children get sponsored in poor countries through a Christian organization, led church’s drama team, softball team, started a organization that encourages churches to help the surrounding poor.  But he struggles with lust, when he was young and he got internet at home and looked at porn.  After he began a relationship with Christ, he still struggled with it.  To this day, he still struggles with it and occasionally falls into the temptation of watching it.  Even when he can resist, he still sometimes struggles with lustful thoughts and masturbation.  This person also sometimes fails to love and serve others, especially those close to him that he takes for granted.  He has a lot of pride at times and with someone else threatens his ego by putting him down or making him feel bad, he hardens his heart to them.  He struggles to spend time praying, especially for others.  This person is me.

From the Bible we see God’s leaders are not perfect, they sometimes make mistakes and fail.

In our Christian circle, we sometimes expect Christian leaders to be perfect.

How do some Christian leaders respond to the unreal and unbiblical expectations of others?

As a leader, in this atmosphere, we will be very afraid to reveal our own weakness, failures and sins.  As leaders we face the temptation to appear to others that we are very good and have no problems.  When we have a need we probably won’t ask for help.  If we encounter a problem we cannot solve or answer, we will not admit it.  Or, if we struggle with a sin, we probably won’t share it with others, especially the people we are leading.

We love face, especially when we are a Christian leader.  So sometimes weare not the same outwardly as we are inwardly.  We are afraid to show that we are weak, struggle with sin and have in our life inadequate areas.  Wanting face, which sometimes can be pride, prevents us from really sharing our life with others.  The result is that people don’t know the real us. 

This is much different from Paul in 1 Thess. 2:8 “So, being affectionately desirous of you, we were ready to share with you not only the gospel of God but also our own selves, because you had become very dear to us”.  We can also see Jesus being vulnerable in the garden of Gethsemane when he told his disciples that he was very sorrowful and he needed them to accompany him. 

What Jesus thinks about the above type of response from leaders

Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! For you clean the outside of the cup and the plate, but inside they are full of greed and self-indulgence. You blind Pharisee! First clean the inside of the cup and the plate, that the outside also may be clean. Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! For you are like whitewashed tombs, which outwardly appear beautiful, but within are full of dead people's bones and all uncleanness. So you also outwardly appear righteous to others, but within you are full of hypocrisy and lawlessness. ( Matt. 23:25-28)

What is a Pharisee?

They were the spiritual and religious leaders of the day who looked clean and perfect on the outside while their inner heart was actually evil.  They made people think that they were better than they really were.

What is the answer to the above predicament?

Do you know Jesus was most harsh on the Pharisees and really compassionate with sinners like prostitutes and cheaters?  Why was he really mean to the religious leaders of their day?

Because no one is righteous, not even one.  Both the sinner and the Pharisees had sin.  The difference is that the sinner admitted they were sinful whereas the Pharisees tried to appear to everyone that they were pure when in fact they were just as sinful.  So when Jesus tells the Pharisees that their inside should be clean, the Pharisee’s response should be, have mercy on me Lord, I can’t make it clean, I tried thousands of times and failed, I need your cleansing! 

The sinners knew they needed Jesus, they knew their own righteousness was not good enough. 

“Though I myself have reason for confidence in the flesh also. If anyone else thinks he has reason for confidence in the flesh, I have more: circumcised on the eighth day, of the people of Israel, of the tribe of Benjamin, a Hebrew of Hebrews; as to the law, a Pharisee; as to zeal, a persecutor of the church; as to righteousness under the law, blameless. But whatever gain I had, I counted as loss for the sake of Christ. Indeed, I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have suffered the loss of all things and count them as rubbish, in order that I may gain Christ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which comes through faith in Christ, the righteousness from God that depends on faith”. ( Phil. 3:4-9)

Paul feels that all his achievements for God are considered garbage and crap because he knows Christ and His righteousness.  Why?  Because no matter how much good he did, he could not be righteous.  He needed the righteousness of Christ. 

“But far be it from me to boast except in the cross of our Lord Jesus Christ, by which the world has been crucified to me, and I to the world”( Gal. 6:14)

Why does he only boast in the cross of our Lord Jesus Christ?

The cross is the gospel and grace.  We need His grace.  We need it when we start, during the journey and at the end, “just as you received Christ Jesus as Lord, continue to live in Him” (Col. 2:6).  We received Him by putting our faith in His grace and we continue to live in Him by relying on His grace.  Our need for grace doesn’t end after we put our trust in Jesus, but rather, it is the very beginning of us consuming His grace like a 747 consumes fuel.  Because we sin every day, we need His grace every day. 

We need to preach the gospel to ourselves each day.

Recently, I realized my value and identity came from my performance.   When I began to see my own weakness, inadequacies and sins, I would feel like I was worthless and a bad person.  I would feel very down and depressed.  Then I realized that I haven’t really grasped the gospel.

In Christ, it doesn’t matter how many times I lust, or how little I pray, or how I have not improved much in my language studies, or how little growth occurs in my character, or how much success I have in leading others, or what others think of me, or even how good or bad my talk is today. 

What matters is that when the Father looks at me, He sees Christ in me.  The righteousness of Christ is credited to me.  So the Father’s opinion of me is always good.  It has nothing to do with my works; I am not under law but under grace.  There’s nothing I can do to make him love me more and think more highly of me.  There’s nothing I can do to make him love me less and think less of me.  It is all His grace and His work.  He gets the glory.  This is the gospel of Christ.

But we need to first humble ourselves and admit to God and to others that we are not perfect.  In the book of James, God tells us that He gives grace to the humble.  The proud can never receive grace because he thinks that he doesn’t need it and can do it on his own effort.   The Pharisee was clean on the outside but really dirty on the inside.  The sinners showed that they were dirty on the outside and inside.  Both were dirty on the inside, but the sinner was the honest one who actually admitted his dirtiness on the inside.  Only Jesus can cleanse the dirtiness on the inside but we need to humbly admit that we are not okay on the inside to receive His grace.  How often I have failed to realize that I am a hypocrite like the Pharisees when I appear to others on the outside that I am fine when I am actually struggling with certain sins, weaknesses and inadequacies.  How often I point to the Pharisees and thank God that I am not one of them when in fact that is what the Pharisees did to the sinners, and as a result, were condemned by Jesus.  We are not above the Pharisees and if we are not careful, we can easily hide our weaknesses, sins and inadequacies from others.

I hope that we will not get our identity from how other people see us or how we see ourselves, but we would get it from how the Father sees us in Christ.  When we are secure in our identity in Christ, we have the boldness to be real to others.  The gospel sets us free because it gives us freedom to fail, make mistakes, and be weak, because my identity as his adopted children depends solely on what Jesus has done rather than what I do.

We know that we have really grasped the gospel, His grace and our identity in Christ when we are not afraid of sharing with others are struggles and weaknesses, especially the people we lead.

Summary

1.     Christian leaders are not perfect, we can see that in Abraham, David and myself

2.     However, in our Christian circle, there is an expectation that leaders have to be perfect

3.     Christian leaders tend to respond to the pressure of being perfect by trying to make others feel that they are better than they really are

4.     From Jesus’ response to the Pharisees, we can see that he doesn’t like us to hide our failures, inadequacies and sins

5.     We need to live in grace, preach the gospel to ourselves each day and find our identity in Christ

6.     A way to see if we really have grasped the gospel is that we regularly share our struggles with our friends and the people we lead.

Questions to ponder on...

1)       Am I a hypocrite?  Do people see the real me?

2)       What weakness, sin and inadequacies have you been hiding from others seeing?

3)       What is one thing you can start doing as a leader to be vulnerable in sharing your weakness, sins and struggles? 

Question to discuss in small groups...

1)     What would be different about your life if you really believed that the gospel is not works or law, but of grace, in addition, our identity does not rest on what we do but on what Christ has done?

2)     What will be the effect of us not willing to share our problems with the people we lead?  What wrong concepts will they have regarding being a leader and being a Christian?

The consequences of basing "love" purely on emotion and without regard for what is right and good leads to pain, frustration and misery. 

In a movie I saw recently, a girl “fell in love” with a man that was already married.  They had an affair and the man will not divorce.  The female is emotionally attached to the man, yet she cannot be with him and have him solely for himself.  The right path, which is the most beautiful path, is the path that God has laid out in His Word.  The path the female took is the one our world embraces.  It is one in which we determine what is right based on whether it makes us feel good.  The movie illustrated in an emotionally moving way the pain and heartache we needlessly bear when we do what feels good even though it is wrong.  Like in Proverb 14:12 it says, "there is a way that seems right, but in the end it leads to death". 

I recently realized that I was obeying Jesus based on my emotions.  Sometimes, while I am praying, I would give up because I didn't feel like praying.  The reason was that I was tired, or I couldn't focus or too many things were preoccupying my mind.  It is the same with reading the Bible, giving thanks in all situations, loving others, being humble or being selfless.  My feelings became my functional god as I obeyed and served it rather than our Living Loving God.  I even believed that it was my saviour because by following my feelings it would save me from the pain of fighting against what I felt like doing.

I totally believe in fighting for joy, passion and delight in God because I believe emotions can help me love God more and bring Him glory.  But when I don't feel it, I should still obey because the truth is true no matter how I feel.  Feelings are a gift from God and I need to engage, examine and reflect on what they are telling me.  However, feelings can sometimes be unstable and often fluctuate due to many factors.  Thus, if the feelings encourage me to go against the heart of God laid out in His Word, then I must choose to believe, act and think the right way. 

The movie also reminded me of how I sometimes treat our Bridegroom.  In the movie, another guy chose to love the girl even though she said that she can be with him physically but her heart will still have that other man inside.  The guy was emotionally devastated though he still showed his love for the girl by listening, supporting, helping and loving her.  This reminds me a bit about the love of Jesus.  We, people who pledged allegiance and commitment to Him, also give our hearts to other lovers or idols.  It can be our work, our education, our family, our friends, our pleasure, our possessions, our money, the praise of others, the acceptance of others, popularity or our self-esteem.  How must our Lover feel when our heart is not wholeheartedly devoted to Him.  That is why I think our God is a jealous God.  He wants no other idols in our life, but many times, I find that I give my primary attention, allegiance and affection to something or someone that promises me false fulfillment and satisfaction.

Where is my hope?  I am so weak, frail and sinful.  The gospel is my hope, His substitutionary death for my sins, His righteousness credited to me and His Holy Spirit given to me.

I've been encouraged with this truth, for God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control (2 Tim. 1:7).  When I look at my weakness and shortcomings and I fear that I can never change or be an influence, I am reminded that He did not give me a Spirit of fear, but of power.   When I realize that that my love for the Father and others is cold and self-centered, I am reminded that He did not give me a Sprit of fear, but of love.  When I am afraid that I cannot control my emotions, desires or habits, I am reminded that He did not give me a Spirit of fear, but of self-control.